Saturday, January 30, 2010

Chinese Courier Service

Have a good laugh with this Chinese delivery. Enjoy its innovative delivery method, the Chinese way... forget about DHL, UPS or even FedEx!!! IF U DARE... J J J

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from United States. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!

When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ah Ma body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ah Ma ' s body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong. Please divide these among all of you.

On Ah Ma ' s feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah Boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei ' s and Ah Lien ' s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ah Ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah-ma is wearing are for the boys.

The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ah Ma ' s left wrist.

Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei , Ah Ma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah Ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.

Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong also not felling well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too... '

Technical Glitch - Girlfriend 7.0 & Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.
___________________________________________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1..0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 ...

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 .. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support